Category: Uncategorized
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30 Years of Love: My Grandmother, My Constant, and The Peace I Found For three decades, my life has been interwoven with the care of my grandmother. It’s been a marathon of love, commitment, and a bond that runs deeper than I can easily put into words. When I was a kid, she was my…
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I finally did it. After years of riding on the coattails (or rather, the membership) of my mother’s Costco card, I made the executive decision: it was time for my own. This might sound like a trivial adulting milestone for most, but for me, it felt monumental. It felt like the final, tangible snip of…
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I always have the intent to update this regularly, I don’t know if it is laziness, business, or fear of hurting someone’s or myself, feelings. Maybe I will start my days with a diary type update? or ends my days with one.. Who knows. I am in such a funk right now.. Trust issues arising,…
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I haven’t been very good at posting. It’s not that I’m not still healing, but maybe just still so overwhelmed and cautious to do or say the wrong thing. Life is just so different then it was when I started this blog/ healing journey. Covid. Work. Homeschool. Preschool. Errands. Family. Friends. Doctors. Therapy. Nothing is…
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I Always seem to fall right back into the patterns that destroy me. One day I will learn. One day the longing for that relationship will subside and I will feel like I am enough, without the need for parental acceptance. I was so close.
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Man life has seemed to change so rapidly. Where do I even start? In the last 2 weeks, I have started back a relationship with my mother, started an anti-anxiety medication, and our whole world seems to have gone to shit. I had been hearing about the carnivorous here and there, didn’t think to much…
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I never really thought about the negative type impact my healing would have on my kids. Yesterday my son turned 12. We did a combined family dinner for him, my son in law and my daughter in law, on Sunday. It was a day of first. First shared birthday. First birthday in our new place.…
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November has been a hell of a month. Update this weekend! How did it go from Halloween to Christmas? Where did November go? I spend my November between a 75 hour HCA class and working at my girlfriends new store, I think we started basketball in November, and I did host an incredibly lame Thanksgiving…
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One of the crappiest things about rejection, is becoming afraid to ever be vulnerable for fear of it. As I sit here in the E.R. waiting to find out if I have another bloodclot, I’m finding myself not even wanting to tell anyone. If I don’t tell anyone, then it won’t hurt when they don’t…
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Something happens when you’re not good enough for your mother. It’s like this deep insecurity that, no matter what, you just can’t move past. I mean, if your own mother can’t love you, can anyone really love you? I’ve struggled with this for, about as long as I can remember. Normally I can push past…
My Mothers Mess 